Research Findings

The Role of the Stepparent: How Similar are the Views
of Stepparents, Parents , and Stepchildren?

Mark Fine* - STEPFAMILIES, Fall 1997

In the increasingly voluminous literature of stepfamilies, there is one area of widespread agreement: The quality of stepfamily life is very much related to how the role of the stepparent is carried out. However, despite this widespread consensus, we know very little about how members of stepfamilies think about the role of the stepparents and how it should be performed. In addition, we lack information about how consistent stepparents, parents, and stepchildren are in their views of the stepparent roles. Although we would expect that it would be helpful if stepfamily members had consistent views of the stepparent role, no studies that I know of have tested this possibility.

A Study of Missouri Stepfamilies

To explore how stepfamily members think about the role of the stepparent and how consistent they are in their views, Larry Ganong, Marilyn Coleman, and I conducted a study of 40 stepfamilies in Missouri. In each stepfamily, the stepparent, parent, and one stepchild between the ages of 10 and 19 completed a series of questionnaires on the role of the stepparent. The stepfamilies were generally middle-class and had been together for some time--the stepparents and parents had been married for an average of 5.3 years. Seventy-eight percent of the stepparents had been married before and all of the 40 parents and been married before. In all cases, the marriages terminated because of divorce (and not the death of a parent).

One of the questions that we asked all 3 members of the stepfamily was to describe their ideal way that the stepparent should relate to his or her stepchildren. Possible responses were distant relative, teacher, friend, stepparent, acquaintance, advisor, boss, parent, uncle (or aunt), enemy, or other. All family members also were asked, with the same possible answers, to describe the label that best described the current relationship between the stepparent and stepchild. Because most of the responses were either parent, stepparent, or friend, we combines all responses other than these three into an "other" category.

How Do Stepfamily Members View the Role of the Stepparent?

Our results showed that parents and stepparents generally thought in fairly similar ways about how the role of the stepparent is being performed and how it should be performed; however, stepchildren had views that were quite different than those of their parent and stepparent. With reference to how the stepparent role should be performed, about half of the parents and stepparents identified "parent" as the ideal stepparent role; "stepparent" and "friend" were each chosen by less than 25% of parents and stepparents. By contrast, 40% of stepchildren identified "friend" as the ideal descriptor; only 29% identified "parent" and 18% identified "stepparent."

With reference to stepfamily member's views of how the stepparent role is currently being performed, parents and stepparents again had similar perceptions. Most identified the current relationship as either that of "stepparent" or "parent" with 69% of parents and 73% of stepparents identifying one of these tow labels. By contrast, only 56% of stepchildren selected one of these two labels; 44% of stepchildren selected either "friend" of one of the "other" categories.

To gain even more basic information on how stepparents viewed their role, they were also asked if they considered themselves to be stepparents. Interestingly, twenty-five (62.5%) indicated that they did, while 15 (37.5%) did not.

Implications for Professionals Who Work With Stepfamilies

Several noteworthy patterns emerged form our results. First, parents and stepparents both appear to think of the stepparent role--both how it should be carried out and how it actually is being performed--as that of "parent." Combined with the finding that almost 40% of the stepparents in our study reported that they did not consider themselves to be stepparents, it appears that adults in the stepfamily believe that the stepparent should act much like a parent does in a nuclear, first-marriage family. This is consistent with what numerous stepfamily scholars have noted, in that the adults in our study seemed to be trying to construct their stepfamilies in their image of the first-marriage family. One of the questions we are now trying to answer is whether there is a cost to the stepfamily. For example, we are now examining whether members of stepfamilies in which the adults view the role of the stepparent as that of a "parent" are less (or more) satisfied with their family lives than are those in which the stepparent role in thought of as a "stepparent" or some other label.

This information may have important implications for those professionals who work with stepfamilies; if there is indeed a cost to trying to mold one's stepfamily into a nuclear family, as other scholars have suggested is the case, professionals would be well advised to counsel stepfamily members to attempt to shape their families in ways that are more sensitive to the distinctive features of stepfamily life than is the nuclear family model.

Second, in contrast to the views of parents and stepparents, stepchildren seemed to believe that the stepparent should not play the role of a parent in the stepfamily. Almost one-half of the stepchildren reported that the stepparent should function as a friend to them. In addition, they were more likely than parents or stepparents to label the stepparent role as something other than a parent. Thus, it appears that stepchildren have views of the stepparent role that are somewhat different than are those of their parents and stepparents, whose views are generally similar.

It is perhaps not surprising that the adults were more in agreement with each other than they were with the children, because the adults are the most likely pair to have discussed with each other what the stepparent's role should be, and they are the most likely pair to periodically discuss how the stepparent is functioning in the role. Through such discussions, parents and stepparents are likely to have influenced each other's perceptions of how the stepparent role should be carried out and how it actually is being carried out. In addition, it is also possible that teenagers in general, and not just in stepfamilies, hold different beliefs than adults about how parents should and do act towards them. In other words, it is possible that adolescents in single-parent families and first-marriage families, like their counterparts in stepfamilies, also believe that parents should function less like "parents" and more like "friends" to them.

Nevertheless, because the different views of stepchildren have the potential to disrupt stepfamily functioning, it may be helpful for professionals to encourage discussions between the adults and stepchildren regarding the appropriate role for the stepparent. The goals of these discussions would not necessarily be consensus regarding the appropriate role for the stepparent, but a greater understanding of the expectations and beliefs that each stepfamily member has about how the stepparent and the stepfamily will function.

A third pattern evident in our results is that there is no clear consensus on what the best role is for the stepparent to play in the stepfamily. As the percentages presented earlier show, no one single answer was endorsed by a majority of stepfamily members as the label for the way the stepparent should function in the family. This lack of agreement is very consistent with the claims of many who study and work with stepfamilies, who have suggested that he stepparent role is ambiguous in our society. Stepparents and parents who think about and discuss the nature of the stepparent role (and not all of our stepparents and parents did have these discussions) do not have much guidance from messages and images they receive from the media, entertainment, educators, and even their friends and other family members.

Because not all stepparents and parents had discussed their expectations and beliefs regarding how the stepparent should behave in the stepfamily, an obvious implications for professionals is that they should encourage the adults in the stepfamily, with input from the stepchildren as appropriate, to share with each other their perceptions, thoughts, and feelings regarding the stepparent role. A desirable outcome of such discussions might be that the adults reach some level of agreement regarding their views of how the stepparent should carry out his or her role in the stepfamily, despite the lack of such consensus in our society.

Conclusions

Our study has provided some initial information about how stepparents, parents, and stepchildren think about the role of the stepparent and how consistent they are in their views of how this role should be and is carried out. In the future, we will continue examining how stepfamily members view the role of the stepparent and, perhaps even more important, the kinds of role perceptions that are related to healthy and satisfying stepfamily functioning. Our goal is to provide stepfamily members with some research-based guidance on different ways that stepparents can contribute to healthy and well-functioning stepfamilies.

Dr. Mark A. Fine is Professor and Chair of the Department of Human Development and Family Studies at the University of Missouri-Columbia. He is a noted scholar in this area, a member of the SAA Research Committee, former-editor of Family Relations, and editor-elect for the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.